Ten Things To Know About Burns Strider

The #MeToo movement was used today as a tool to feed into the media's never-ending and ever-failing quest to prove Hillary Clinton an enabler and protector of abusers. And so today there are hundreds of stories floating titled things such as - - "Who is Burns Strider?" and "Five Things You Need To Know About Burns Strider." Well, I know Burns Strider have ten things for you to know about him. To know Burns is to know a true friend.

Canoe in the Rapids, by Winslow Homer

1.) Loyal and available to his friends, Burns Strider is a guy who will stay on the phone with a childhood friend until 4:00 am when she is suffering from a life crisis and needs support.

2.) Burns is the friend who will invite you for coffee at his office and tell you stories about growing up in Grenada, Mississippi. You’ll enjoy the stories. They are colorful and vibrant and you'll walk away not exactly sure what any of those stories had to do with anything. You will go to sleep. You will wake up in the morning with your eyes as big as the planets and understand that the point was to live authentically. To tell the truth. To tell your own truth. To live your own truth. To be proud of your truth, warts and all. And you will carry this message with you wherever you go. And you will think of the words “lemony yellow aura,” forever, with great meaning.

3.) He is the guy who will meet you for dinner on a Tuesday night between dropping his kids off at sports practice and picking them up because you had a panic attack at work and are afraid of the future and are forgetting to breathe.  

4.) Burns does not let his friends off the hook. He tells us he loves us and worries about us and that he better get a call back and when he knows everything is not ok we are not allowed to say that everything is ok.

5.) Burns is a guy who might not tell you that a piece of kale is stuck in your teeth during a lunch because he knows there is a wall of mirrors that the two of you will pass as you exit and you will see it and try to remove it with a fingernail. When you do this, he might encourage you to just leave it. After all, it is important to be authentic.

6.) When confused, a friend can text Burns at 10:30 pm on a Saturday night and ask, “Why is my boyfriend hiding copious amounts of Kings Hawaiian bread rolls up high in the cupboards of our kitchen?” Promptly, he will respond: “Because they make the best sandwiches. They really do.”

7.) Burns loves his children (even more than he loves Mississippi State Bulldogs sports). His sons are his life. He is devoted to documenting nearly everything they do around town in DC, on road trips, and on charmed adventures. He invites the rest of us to witness the love and the celebrations of their life together.

8.) The relationship Burns has with the Clintons is a sacred one. He will tell funny stories about diet cheating on the campaign trail with former President Bill Clinton, or when Secretary Hillary Clinton scolded him about procrastinating on a health concern. He will let you know how and what they are doing, but that’s it. He is like that with all of his friends. He protects us all from whatever we need protection.

9.) He wears a Make Mercy Great Again hat. #MMGA

10.) His southern accent allows you to enjoy it when he is making fun of you. I was once complaining about paying for my storage unit back in Ohio - and within the context of my very nomadic life - Burns suggested that I make one of those interactive maps with blinking lights to show all the cities where my possessions reside and he said, "And over here, in Ohio, this is where I keep my books and grandparents’ furniture, but if you want to hear about the emotional things I have stored here, you will have to pay extra.”

Lastly, Mary Oliver, a poet both Burns and Secretary Clinton enjoy wrote, “I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing— that the light is everything—that it is more than the sum of each flawed blossom rising and falling. And I do.” 

And I do too.